Welcome to Friday Fictioneers! We are a community of writers from around the world who post 100-word stories based on a photo prompt provided on Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ blog. Please visit her lovely blog for more information…and join us if you wish!
This week’s photo is by Doug MacIlroy. Mahalo, Doug!
Photo Copyright: Douglas M. MacIlroy
Welcome Home
by Jan Brown
I settled into the sofa and put my feet up. If I had to do this, at least I deserved to be comfortable.
I logged in to create a memorial page: birth, death, survivors…a litany of facts without significance. Allegations of “beloved husband” and “dear friend” rang untrue.
Not enough reality.
I clicked “cancel,” started over.
“The deceased had no children with his estranged wife, but is survived by a son born last December to their neighbor, Mrs. Lydia Fitzwilliam. Manslaughter charges are pending against Col. Richard Fitzwilliam, recently returned from Afghanistan.”
Too much reality.
I clicked “cancel,” started over.
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mezzojan 
That’s quite sad
Yes, isn’t it?
Thank you for reading and commenting!
I love this story and its pacing — its symmetry is beautiful (“not enough reality,” “clicked cancel,” “too much reality,” and “clicked cancel, started over.”) Elegantly done!
Thank you very much for commenting on the symmetry. I’m glad you enjoyed that aspect!
That was clever, I actually laughed, does that make me bad? 🙂
Oh, maybe just a little!
Thank you for reading and commenting , Helen.
Oh my! What a difficult situation to be in, dealing with the pain of betrayal and trying to do the socially “right” thing to do. I suppose if his life was a lie, his death is likely to fall into that rut as well. I love the internal tension you exposed, not through her thoughts but craftily through her actions. This is so unique and captivating!
Thank you very much for kind comments! I’m glad to know I was successful in conveying the emotion through her actions. It’s all about showing the reader rather than telling the reader….
Might as well go with the “un”reality. No point kicking a man when he’s “down.” 😉
Interesting take on the photo. Good job!
Thank you , Caerlynn!
As horrible as this is, it made me laugh.
I’m sorry.
Don’t be sorry! It’s hard to write a good obituary for a colossal jerk….
Dear Jan,
Click edit, select undo delete and run with the truth. Everyone in town knows anyway.
This was a very good story. The Colonel’s only mistake was getting caught. I love the writer in this piece (and of it). Very well done.
Aloha,
Doug
Maybe she can get together with the Colonel…when he gets out 😉
Dear Jan,
The perfect obituary. I don’t think she should hit cancel. Stellar writing. Clever story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you, Rochelle! Maybe she shouldn’t write the obit at all. I’m not sure what type of comments she would get on the memorial page for this guy….
Obituaries are hard to write without the soap opera. Perhaps using the delete/cancel key is the right story for now.
I think so, too! In her current state of mind, creating a memorial page is probably not the best idea.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Mike!
This was very clever and complex indeed – really sharp stuff. The neighbour…goodness… The way you told this was very good, deciding not to just give it out straight but play with it. Your opening lines reveal her mood very well.
Thank you, Hamish! It’s difficult to do a slow, measured “reveal” when we only have 100 words. So…I appreciate your positive feedback 🙂
What a refreshingly different take on the prompt! Loved it.
Thank you, Sandra!
Great piece of infidelity-drama here. We seem to have had similar thoughts. Those Fitzwilliams, eh. Always trouble!
Yes, great minds do think alike 🙂
Thank you for reading and commenting!
The story of her marriage, betrayal and his murder is all there between the lines. Such a brilliantly written story. Very impressive, Jan.
Thank you, Karen, for such high praise. It is greatly appreciated!
Beautifully refreshing take on the prompt. I could imagine her wincing as she tried to write the obituary. 🙂
Thank you very much!
Oh dear! I guess your protagonist is going to have to try to find a happy medium 🙂
I think she might decide to forego the obituary altogether!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Alistair.
I enjoyed this, Jan. Great story! Life can use such details to lighten thing up, no matter how unsavoury. 🙂
Thank you, Celestine!
Jan, this made me laugh, then sigh. Thanks for so much emotion in one piece.
Thank you, Alicia!
I like the way you tell the whole, complicated story indirectly and in just a few words. I also like the rhythm of the two lines for canceling and starting over and not enough reality / too much reality.
Carma
Thank you, Carma. I appreciate your feedback. I really enjoy inserting elements like rhythm and repetition into these little stories, but it’s a challenge to do it within the 100-word count!!!
Perhaps all of us should take care in how we treat those around us. Perhaps one day, they will write our obituary…
Thank you, and you make a very good point!
Very good.
Thank you, Shandra
Really clever story this week, Jan. I loved the start, where she makes herself comfortable, I loved the ‘too much reality’ and the two ‘resets’- very very cleverly done.
Thank you!
Jan, Very well written. This was dark humor, but humor never the less. If it was a true story, it would of course be tragic. It was a clever way of telling what happened. She could just give the basic info and let a writer at the newspaper write the obit. Good story. 🙂 —Susan
Thank you, Susan!
aloha Jan. a potent write. setting off with comfortable ease and foreboding and building to an edgy gripping finish. and leaving the reader to wonder about and write the next version in our own skull. it does not leave the mind. excellent. aloha. rick.
Great feedback, thank you!
what a clever way of delivering the story within the story. i liked the repetition too, very effective. 🙂
Thank you, K.Z.
Wow, Jan. I’m with K.Z. What a fantastic “telling the story by NOT telling the story” method. Very effective and clever. One of my favourites of yours.
Thank you, Helena, I’m glad to hear that!
So sad, yet it made me chuckle. Great story-telling 🙂
Thank you, Rachel!
I love that she didn’t allow herself to write the first obituary. I’m, sure she will find a happy medium that she can live with 🙂
Thank you for reading and commenting, Siobhan!
A superb take on the prompt. And I have to confess that, although it deals with a tragic subject — and many times all too true in lives today — I found it a piece of light comedy as well and really did laugh out loud. Hope that was okay. Very good writing.
Thank you for your feedback, Sandra, and I’m thankful for your laughter, too!
HI Jan. Do you mind if I use your story as a great example of flash fiction with my students? It asks the reader to unearth the story so cleverly, and has layers of meaning, including the question of the ‘truthfulness’ of writing. Thanks, Karen.
Sure, feel free to use it as an example. I’m flattered!
Dear Jan, Very well done – and you were so clever how you did it! I don’t know that I would have thought to go that route but you did and it REALLY works well! Thanks for the excellent read and have a good week! Nan 🙂
Thank you, Nan. Hope you have a lovely week also!
Oooh nice story Jan! I love a good ‘things are not as they seem’…
Thank you, Jessie!
Ah.. yes the life time in an obituary cannot be to real.. what is never written is where the darkest waters are…
So true! Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂